If you’re dating a woman your mother’s age, it won’t be a stretch that she’d have children your age. Nothing weird about that at all.
Until you have to meet them, that is.
These “stepchildren” of yours are adults, and can’t be disciplined to accept you, let alone like you. The age of trying to win them over with Lego has long past.
So how do you win them over? You don’t. Or at least there aren’t any tricks. Not even their mother can do much about it. Your place within the family dynamic is at the mercy of the brood.
And sometimes mercy is bestowed. The kids’ll be accepting and friendly, allow their mother to live and enjoy her own life, and keep their negativity to themselves (despite likely talking-up-a-storm behind your back, but, whatevs, take what you can get). More often than not, though, it’s the opposite.
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What then? In my experience:
Camaraderie is a waste of time. If they poo-poo the idea of you dating their mother, they’re hardly going to wanna get all chummy-chum. What, you think they’ll invite you to a party and introduce you to friends as, “This is my mom’s new boyfriend”?
Defence is pathetic. Trying to validate your relationship with momsy smells of desperation. And the response is usually the same: Surely you can find that sort of validation with a woman your own age. Ouch.
Avoid them altogether. Seriously, if it’s not important to her that you even meet the children (unless you’re in it for the long-haul, like marriage — which is unlikely), then that should be music to your ears. Keep the affair private and save yourself the headache. This is my preferred option.
Fuck’em — they’ll just have to deal with it. This is not my preferred option; but some women embrace it wholeheartedly and confidently, and I have no say in the matter. Their attitude is, This is my life, I’m seeing a younger man, and if you don’t like it that’s just too bad. Many bitten tongues ensue, but at least it doesn’t affect the sex…
Honestly, I struggle with it. I love the older women; I try to ignore the baggage.
Obviously it’s worth it, though — cuz here I still am!