Everyone is Dateable, Especially Cougars

There once was a dame named Ella

Who scooped up a mighty fine fella…

Before I launch into my Ella (a real-life neighbor of mine) story, allow me to kick things off with a woman named Marlene.

I’ve known Marlene for years. She’s 56, attractive (although not a bombshell, granted), intelligent, funny, and successful. Sadly, she’s also become inert in the dating game since divorcing her husband about five years ago. No matter how much I try to convince her that she’s an awesome catch, she’s pretty much given up hope that any man would be interested in her.

Marlene is not alone. Ignoring their fine and enviable qualities, many women foolishly believe their age is the be all and end all that seals their romantic fate. Hogs wallop, I say. Y’see, if women — if we all, for that matter! — can disregard age, it’s much easier to be confident while on the prowl. Better still, add to that the confidence gained from knowing that age brings with it a deeper understanding of, well, everything, and you’re on your way to hookup central.

But Marlene doesn’t see it, which makes me both sad and frustrated. Sad because she just doesn’t see the value of her wares; frustrating because I see Ella pulling it off without a hitch.

Ella, around the same age as Marlene, is repugnant. Sorry, but it’s true. She’s mean, has the personality of a bedbug, complains constantly about her cubicle-job, and is as wide as she is tall — which is about four feet. On more than one occasion she’s crashed her car into parked cars in the lot and blamed it on the parked cars. I doubt she has friends.

But… Ella dates. She always has a date. Nothing imaginary: I’ve met them. She goes on romantic getaways. She boasts about them.

How can a woman like her hook up so easily, I often ask myself. But the answer is there for all the world to see: Ella marches through life with all the confidence in the world. She’s oblivious to anything less. And trust me, she has nothing to offer that any of the rest of us can put our finger on. (Unless she has some funky sex trick that keeps her at the top of the charts. But how could you ever get past the rest of her to even find out about the tricks?!)

So here’s what I have to say to anyone out there who thinks they’re past their prime and will never again step into The Ring of Love: If Ella can do it, anyone can.

I promise you: there’s someone for everyone.


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