Q: Dear Ava: I don’t date older women exclusively but like to think of myself as an equal opportunist. I love all women, but will admit, cougars are usually better in bed and willing to try new things. I was with a woman recently, entering her behind, all was good but then she told me to share my fantasies while I was going at it. Hell, I was living one right then (I find it so hard to meet a woman who enjoys anal, especially if I don’t know her that well. So when she asked me to talk dirty I was caught off guard and felt like an idiot while I tried to think of something. She started her own monologue about how she wanted to be double penetrated, maybe triple?!? As long as it’s only a fantasy, I can’t stand the idea of being in a threesome/foursome with other men. What I’m curious about is: when a woman talks like this during sex or foreplay, is it just a way to turn men on, or do you think they really want to do what they’re talking about? I’m kind of new to this talking during sex thing. -Rex
A: Hi Rex. As someone who was a late-bloomer when it came to dirty talk. I’m always surprised by what comes out of men’s mouths and sometimes my own. It’s so individual, whether it’s what someone is saying, or how someone will react to what I say. And I find it’s also a mood thing. Most times, I’m don’t like it when a man (usually younger) asks me “Are you a dirty slut?” It’s too porny for my taste.
I was with a cub recently who was having a hard time staying hard. As a solution he asked me to talk dirty about being with another man, to describe what this other lover was doing to me. I could tell by his breath and movement that my story was helping. I thought it was a strange thing to turn the guy I’m with on, buy I was getting off on his reaction, so why not?
I think dirty talk can be a great way to share fantasies… telling a lover what you want to do with them, what you are going to do with them (don’t say what you can’t back up!), especially if you’re still out on your date because the anticipation is so thrilling. If a woman is talking about something you can’t believe she’d be into, or something you are definitely not into, let her have her say in the moment, so you don’t spoil the mood. You can always ask her later if she really wants a foursome?!?
Men: what do you think about dirty talk during sex?
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava