Q: Dear Ava: I met a cougar online last weekend. It was pretty wild because she wanted to meet the next day, usually it takes me weeks before a woman is ready to meet in person (or at least the younger ones). I’m not an only cougars kind of guy – I’ll date woman of any age, but I do like their confidence.
So I met Teri the next night at a bar, had a few drinks, and talked the night away. She was fun and flirty. I had a feeling things might turn sexual and I was right. We went back to her place because, well, my place just isn’t that great for entertaining. Things got hot fast and I’m definitely not shy when it comes to sex. I like to be the man and take control, but she was forward and first went down on me and gave me a deep blowjob while I talked dirty. After this, and intercourse doggie-style with me slapping her ass, I asked if I could come on her face. This is when she got a bit weird, said no, and shortly after asked me to go.
She later texted me to say that I was acting like a porn star and that I should learn what real life sex is. Okay, so I watch porn, big deal. What’s your take? I thought older women were a bit wilder.
Barry, Elmira
A: It’s nice to hear from a man who is open to dating women of all ages. I see all too often profiles of men (and women) limit their search to a very small age window. I agree with Teri, that cutting to the chase and meeting someone sooner rather than later, helps reduce anxiety and expectations in online dating.
First advice, Barry… get your place spiffed up so it’s great for entertaining the ladies. Expecting to go back to her place isn’t always going to work, even with the older women. I know this date was short notice but something to work on.
Teri sounds like a sexually open and confident woman (giving you a blowjob on the first date and doing it doggie-style) but that doesn’t mean she wants her ass slapped or you to cum on her face. I wish you’d said what kind of dirty talk you used because there’s “baby, I’m going to make you come so hard” or “suck it, you dirty whore” kind of talk. The latter expression and squirting your giz on a woman’s face is porny. Most women (any age) just aren’t into this kind of stuff (regardless of what you watch in porn).
Sadly, I think a lot of younger men today get their sexual education from watching porn movies which really don’t reflect what women desire. Yes, it’s hard to know, especially on a first night hookup. Asking a woman, like you did is the right way to do it.
Check out this website for more on this subject: Make Love Not Porn
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