The Other Kind of Cougar
Just because a woman is over 40 and wanting to date young guys (which, I guess, technically puts her in cougar territory) doesn’t necessarily mean she has all those awesome qualities that would make her a Capital-C Cougar who’s earned her top-ranking status. Be warned: she may just be a woman over 40, case-closed.
This is an awkward post to write. I truly don’t mean it as an attack on anyone’s character. It’s written only as a gentle heads-up for the sake of any inexperienced young guys out there who are looking to get into the cougar game.
The sad truth is this: there are women in cougar “territory” who don’t have any confidence, or experience, or know-how. For whatever reason(s)—perhaps their husbands have just left them for the secretary, or they’re worried they’ll die alone, or whatever it may be—these women are simply looking for someone to make them feel better about themselves, and think hooking up with a younger guy will solve all their self-esteem issues.
(Don’t get me wrong, many people of all ages and both genders suffer from the same problem(s), so it isn’t necessarily a faux cougar issue. But, this being a Cougar blog, I’m speaking directly apropos guys whose perspective on older women might get skewed by a negative—or un-Cougarly—experience.)
A real Cougar can be identified during your initial contact. Her confidence will shine through like a klieg on Oscar night. If a real Cougar is interested in you, she won’t beg; and if she’s not, she won’t bother. Dare I suggest her self-esteem will initially even intimidate you? I do, indeed, dare. It’s that very quality that screams out for your attention.
If you’ve been e-contacted by a “cougar” who comes across as needy, or who chases you, or needs to understand why you’re not responsive, then you’re not online with the kind of Cougar we’re here to nab. You’ll end up having a bad experience, and will subsequently think all the hoopla you’d heard about older women is bogus—and quite possibly perpetuate that falsehood.
That doesn’t mean these same women won’t eventually become the Cougars we’d like them to become. Let them get over whatever issues they’re currently facing, and eventually they’ll find a comfortable—and confident—place among The Queens of Cougartown.
Otherwise, they should remain on a regular dating site, or a site geared towards “mature singles”. No woman should identify herself as a Cougar simply because she’s past The Big Four Oh.
Guys: What defines a cougar for you?