Older women certainly don’t expect younger men to be super experienced or sophisticated in the bedroom, but we do hope there’s a little know-how there, and of course, a willingness to learn. Here are basic sex mistakes (not just common to young men) that should be avoided.
1. Over-confidence. I meet men online that claim to be superior in the bedroom but when we get down to it, well . . . it’s a let down. Maybe you’ve had one girl who said you were the best sex she’s ever had and it went to your head. Or maybe she was lying. Pleasing one woman, one way, isn’t going to work for all women, especially older experienced women.
Women react differently to different moves. And many other factors determine how aroused you’ll make her feel such as thrusting technique, position, your height and size against hers, and oral preferences. It’s better to come across a little inexperienced because your skills won’t have anything to live up to.
2. Silent treatment. Some men are uncomfortable talking about sex but discussing what you like and don’t like only makes things better. Ask her questions without it sounding like an interrogation, and don’t be shy about telling her what turns you on. Make these questions specific. Make a move, and ask if she likes it. Women like to hear their men enjoying themselves so let out the grunts and groans.
3. Bad timing. Everything else has to be running smoothly for a woman to want to get it on. Most men want and are able to enjoy sex at any given moment. If you and your lady have just had an argument, you’ll want to smooth that over before you can think about getting laid. Timing includes foreplay. It takes women longer to get in the mood, to get aroused. If you’re feeling horning get busy on making her feel good – a few compliments and some flirty touching are good places to start.
4. Too fast. This can happen with younger men without a lot of experience. It takes time and practice to learn self-restraint. Another reason this happens is because many men are fixated on the orgasm as if it were the be-all and end-all of sex. Baby, it’s only one aspect. A woman is not impressed with a man who puts his own needs above hers.
5. Too focused. By this, I mean you aim straight for intercourse (get it in and make it happen). Older women take care of their bodies and expect a younger man to notice their hard work. Treat her body like a temple. Explore the geography of her body during foreplay. This will help you to last longer and to build her arousal slowly which ups her chances of orgasm, thus making you look good. It’s a win-win. If you don’t make her come, she’s going to remember the attention you paid to her body and still be appreciative.
6. Unwillingness to Experiment. Women are the biggest users of sex toys and a lot of men are still threatened by this, thinking they should be enough to satisfy. Some of the best sex I’ve had involved a man and a dildo – think double penetration! Your older woman may have a pleasure chest full of goodies she wants to share with you. Keep an open mind but also express any boundaries you may have.
7. Reciprocation. Do not, I repeat, do not expect a woman to go down on you if you’re not willing to do the same. Saying it’s not your thing is lame. Most women don’t climax through intercourse so a man who knows his way around down there will always be a lady’s first choice. As I said before, all women like different things. With a new woman, you’ll want to thoroughly investigate what’s happening between her legs. Stimulating her clitoris with your fingers is good, your tongue even better.
8. Seeking Comparison. Most men have some insecurities about their sexual skills and this can often affect their performance, thus creating a vicious cycle. To help overcome this, it’s best not worry and wonder what other guys are doing. Focus on the woman you’re with at the moment, and how you’re going to make it happen for her. Sure, cougars have had more experience, but they aren’t comparing experiences. Your attention and energy are what we’re focused on. Never ask an older woman for a performance rating or how many guys she’s been with – bad taste!
Avoid these mistakes and you will come across more experienced than you really are!