Ask Ava: Am I Just a Rebound?

Q: Dear Ava. I’m dating an older, thirty-seven-year-old woman and the sex is the best I’ve ever had. I thought I was a good lover before I met her, then she showed me the ropes. I’d like things to get more serious. We see each other usually twice a week and it’s mostly just sex. I’d like to do more girlfriend boyfriend things like go for a walk, to the movies, maybe a weekend trip… but she somehow changes the subject whenever I suggest these things. She was in a serious relationship a month before we started dating, and she still talks to him occasionally. I’m not the jealous type, but I’m worried I’m just a rebound or fling in her eyes.
-B. in North Dakota

A: Dear B. Rebounding after a serious or long-term relationship is very common, and a way that many people cope with the pain and loss. And yes, often it’s a sex-based relationship because the person is still too raw to expose themselves emotionally to someone new. Your lady’s reluctance to doing “girlfriend boyfriend” activities and her contact with the ex are both signs that she may be rebounding. Other signs to look for are her friends’ reactions to you, are they surprised she’s dating someone so soon? Are they still talking about her ex like there’s a possibility they could get back together? And be sure that she’s not just using you to make her ex jealous.

My suggestion to you is to enjoy the great sex and don’t be pushy? If you are just a rebound to her (unconsciously) it will be hard to move to the next level, but not impossible if you lower your expectations and follow her lead. Really listen to her, her feelings, her thoughts on what she wants and doesn’t want. You know what you want, and if, after a reasonable amount of time,  you realize she’s not going to be able to meet you, then you should either move on or accept that you’re just friends with benefits.

Is being a rebound all that bad, if the sex is the bomb?

Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava

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