Q: Dear Ava. I’m ready to date older women. It’s been an idea of mine for some time, and now I’m going to give it a shot. I came to this conclusion because I just don’t get that much intellectual stimulation from the girls my own age, twenty-five. Not that I’m a genius, but I am smart and I like the foreplay of good conversation as much as anything. And I don’t think the rules of not talking about politics, religion, or sex on a first date would be the same with an older woman. What do older women want to talk about with younger men?
A: Dear Chris. I love hearing from younger men about to embark on their first cougar coupling, whether it’s just for hookups or something more serious. You won’t be disappointed. Of course, sex is usually better with an older woman because of their experience and comfortability in who they are, but as you say, there is a greater chance for intellectual stimulation.
As someone who dates younger men, I find it can be a problem to meet someone who captivates my mind as well as my body, but that said, cubs can be more open than older men, who are often set in their ways.
I agree that an intense discussion or debate can be great foreplay and that every topic is fair game unless someone says otherwise. If you can’t have a reasonable chat about something, you may not be suited to each other anyway.
Most women, when they meet someone for the first time, want a man to ask them about their lives, specifically their work, passions, and family. Focus on her by asking questions that lead to larger discussions. If you’ve read her dating profile carefully, you should have lots of cues to get you started. The only topic I say that’s not so great to bring up is past relationships. It can give the date a sour note and make her uncomfortable.
And when you get to know her a little better, you may find she will also enjoy talking about sex. This will likely be a refreshing change and one of enlightenment.
Best of luck in the jungle, Chris
5 Topics to Avoid with Older Women
Even if the sexual side of your relationship with an older woman is on the fast track, there are certain subjects that you should leave off the menu of conversation until the two of you have become closer. Common sense tells you that you shouldn’t raise the subject of age right out of the gate, and here are five other topics to avoid until you know your cougar better.
For a lot of guys, part of the appeal of an older woman is the idea that you might land a sugar mama, but you don’t want to lead with questions about her financial well-being, or assume that every cougar you meet is looking for cub to indulge or shower with gifts. On your initial dates, you should pick up the tab, and you should keep doing so until or unless she insists on paying.
2. Past relationships
Unless she goes there, don’t ask about her past relationships and don’t start talking about your own. It’s a subject that suggests a hangup if you bring up one of your previous girlfriends, and it’s one that could get her thinking about the wrong memories if you ask her about her exes.
Let her bring up sex, and exercise caution if she does. Going into detail about your past sexual experiences might work against you when trying to have your next one.
Unless you met her on a Christian cougars site, it’s best to leave faith off the table initially, wherever you might stand on the subject.
5. Future plans
Jumping in to a discussion of future plans, whether yours or hers, is getting ahead of things. In the short term, she probably just wants to have some fun, and talking about things that might happen down the road can make it seem like you’re too eager.