Q: Dear Ava. I have to admit. I’ve always been awkward with women and now that I’ve discovered my attraction to older women, I feel more so. Their intelligence and confidence really appeal to me. So, I’ve been on a couple of dates that were going well, and I was actually hoping they would make the first move, but no. Does the man always have to make the first move? Even with women who are much older? – Kev
A: Hi Kev. Hurray for another young man realizing the allure of older women! Most of the men I’ve dated have been rather confident, thus making a move was never a problem. But the men I have been out with who have been shy or awkward, don’t seem to mind me taking over or leading in the physical sense. That said, not all cougars are as forward. There are even many shy cougars just like you.
Most women (and many who are older because of generational beliefs) think that it is the man’s place to make the first move. These beliefs may include asking a woman out on a date even. Perhaps your ideal date is a super confident gal who just goes for what she wants, which might include you! But if she doesn’t, don’t be afraid to go for it! Dating confidence often just takes practice.
I’m not saying to jump her in the first ten minutes, but if things are going well, and it’s the end of the night, you should lean in for the big kiss. It shows that you are seriously interested and it will give you a sense of the physical chemistry. I’ve had great dates that lasted for hours, but when it came time for that kiss… disappointment central. Kissing is an art form that is worth mastering.
Something else to keep in mind. Your awkwardness will likely be evident with your dates (and some women find this super hot), so they may not mind making the first (and subsequent!) moves with their cub date. And lastly, don’t overthink this, it will only make you more nervous. Meeting people is an organic process… if it’s meant to click, it just will. Good luck, Kev.
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava