Ask Ava

Ask Ava: I Don’t Want to Share

Man on Top of Woman

Q: Dear Ava: I’m in my late twenties, and I’ve never settled down for long with any woman. I’ll admit it, I’m a player. I love love love women and I can never get enough. I consider myself good looking, and I figure I might as well use it while I got it. I started dating, or rather hooking up with women a little older and realized they’re a lot more chill than the younger girls I was used to. Way less demanding and way better in bed!

So believe it or not, that age gap got a little bigger, and a little bigger and now I’m dating a cougar (she’s eleven years older). There’s no commitment, we don’t call each other boyfriend or girlfriend, we just get together about once a week to hang and have great sex. Thing is, I think I’ve met my match. When I first met her, we admitted that we both didn’t want anything serious and that we planned to date other people. Fair is fair.

We didn’t talk about “others” unless one of us asked, which was rare. Weird thing is, I slowly lost interest in hooking up with other chicks and now I’m just interested in her, but I know she still has a few guys in the picture and I’m jealous (although I hide it from her). I want her to be my girlfriend, but I’m afraid if I bring it up she’ll cut me loose. I know she really likes me, but I’m falling in love with her and don’t want to share anymore. What can I do?
-Chris, St. Louis

A: Dear Chris: Ohhh, a cub after my own heart. What a sweet story. It’s nice to hear from a younger man who’s realized the advantages of dating a mature woman. Spread the word.

So you started into a no-strings attached relationship which is what many older women seek with younger men because we already have the financial stability, we just want some sweet satisfaction beneath the sheets. Believe me, there are plenty of female players out there who think the same way you do – get it while we can.

Losing interest in other women is a sure sign you’re smitten, nothing wrong with that! Now, although I’m not a big fan of jealousy, it is a natural emotion and is best shared out in the open than simmering below the surface. She may already feel it and not be surprised when you bring it up. Honesty with your emotions is the way to go. If not, you’ll just be torturing yourself – not fun! Does she know you’re not seeing other women? That might be a good place to start the conversation. If sex is the biggest part of your weekly get togethers, great, but you’ll want to start treating her like she’s more than just a hookup. Ask her out on a real date – dinner, a play, or a sports event (cater to her interests). Show her that you like spending time with her, that’s it’s not all about the sex.

One thing’s for sure, an older woman is going to respect your straight forward approach, and let you know exactly how she’s feeling. I hope she wants what you do, Chris, but if not you’ll have to make the decision whether sharing is better than no relationship at all.

For more tips: 10 Steps to a Great First Date

Best wishes, Ava

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