I’m gonna say it. Right off the bat. No waiting, no deliberating…
Put up a proper picture of yourself in your online dating profile.
And, make sure you ask a friend for their opinion – a friend that will tell you the truth.
We all have insecurities about how we look – yes, even the shirtless dude who only reveals his bare chest and six-pack abs – but you must, must, must show YOU as you really are.
A photo that actually looks like you is your ticket to finding the love (or fuck) of your life. As soon as you post a photo of the Ten-Year-Younger You, The Thinner You, The Anime You (that shot-from-above pic that grossly largens your eyes and diminishes your chin), you’e just misrepresented yourself and told a lie.
I’ve overheard and been told countless stories about first dates who didn’t live up to their online phots(s). It’s not just a fun story to tell; it actually upsets people and wastes everyone’s time. You post a photo of “you”, someone’s eye has been caught by the photo of “you”, they are basing their interest in the photo “you” and ask you out. This is the “you” they think they are meeting. You just sold them a T-Bone steak frites dinner, and they’re about to get a day-old 3 oz patty with cold fries.
Although it makes others angry, I’m more saddened by this. I have a dear friend who has fallen into the realm of “No one wants me. I’m going to be alone forever – it’s just a fact.” She’s been online dating for a few years and is constantly amazed nothing ever happens after the first date.
About a year and a half ago, this friend and I decided to check out each other’s online profile to give feedback. I was shocked. Her images were great, but they looked absolutely nothing like her. At the time, I didn’t realize how sensitive she was about it, but I mentioned her photos were good, but they didn’t look like her. She shot me down immediately, “I’m fine with them.” And that was that.
My friend posts her dating photos of what her ideal self is. However, this is stopping her from finding love. The thing is… she’s attractive, she’s smart, she’s funny, she’s FUN. But her ideal self-image is attracting young men who don’t see the real her. And the real her is great; she just thinks no cub is ever going to think so at first glance.
Let me put it this way:
If I’m attracted to 25-year-old cubs, and you show up 10-15 years older – that’s a problem.
If I’m attracted to large, hefty younger men, and you show up lanky and 120lbs – that’s a problem.
If you show photos of you mountain climbing, out on the town, or waterskiing, and those are the only times in your life you’ve ever ventured outside your home away from video games – that’s a problem.
The important thing to know is this: you may not LOVE the way you look, but someone else will. The moment you misrepresent yourself in your online profile – picture or otherwise, you constantly set yourself up for failure. My poor friend doesn’t understand why she clicks with men before they meet; and then when they see her, the chemistry instantly falls away.
I, too, had this happen to me. I didn’t even realize one of my profile photos didn’t really look like me. But my heart knew it right when I saw my date’s face drop. It didn’t matter we had a real vibe going on for days before we met – our date was terrible. That night he went back to check out my profile, probably to see how different I looked. I took the photo down and ever since, I’ve yet to see a cub’s face drop when they see me. In fact, I now see men’s eyes light up when we first meet.
Do yourself a favor (and your date) – post a proper photo.