Q: Dear Ava. My last girlfriend gave the most wicked massages. She would easily do it for two hours and never expect one back, although she did like a good foot rub. The older woman I’m seeing now asked for a massage once, so I used the baby oil she had and began massaging her but after fifteen minutes she asked me to stop like she wasn’t interested anymore. I asked her what was wrong but she didn’t say much. Is there a right way to massage a woman and a wrong way. I need help! – Rob
A: Hi Rob. Just like everything related to intimacy, we are all individuals when it comes to our particular tastes. What turns on one woman, will turn off another. So… communication is key! I can’t believe it, but some women don’t even enjoy massages. And it should be said, that as women get older they tend to expect more from a man, whether that’s sexual performance, willingness to learn or experiment, and skills such as massage.
If your woman isn’t a typical cougar in that she isn’t vocal about her likes and dislikes, you’ll have to do the verbal poking and prodding. With massages, I often find men are too light with their touch and don’t spend enough time in one area. Remember how long your last gal devoted to your body – we like that too. A woman never wants to feel that a massage is a favour or that you expect one in return. No quickie massages, fellas.
Creating an atmosphere helps to set the mood. This might include oils, scented body bars, candles, romantic lighting and music. As you begin, ask your lover if the pressure is too hard or soft, if there is anywhere she is sore or specific spots she likes to be massaged. And your hands don’t have to be the only thing touching her. You can rub your body against hers if you are straddling her, as well as gentle kissing, sucking and licking.
Because rubbing your partner’s body is already a wonderful sensory experience, adding other sensations will only enhance her experience. You can try temperature-changing oils, wax play, ice cubes, and feathers. I always say, use your imagination when it comes to sensory play. If you want to take it to another level, ask her to wear a blindfold – the unexpected is always fun!
Hope these tips help, Rob. If readers have any other massage tips to add, please leave a comment!
Read: Making Your Cougar Purr
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava