Are you contacting lots of older women online, yet receiving few responses. Your first contact is key in getting our attention. Sadly, it can often be something very minute that turns me off and on to reading the next possible match. Here are my tips on how to write a first message that will grab and hold a cougar’s attention:
You’ve already spent time (I hope) writing the best profile you can and have now found a woman that has you interested. Send a message! You have nothing to lose and the worst thing that will happen is no response.
Read her Profile
You may just see a hot photo and want to respond right away, but please guys, read her entire profile. Learning about her interests and personality will give you clues as to what to say in that first message. Her knowing you took the time gives you instant bonus points.
I don’t mean as basic as “Hey, how’s it going?”, but you simply want to introduce yourself and make a connection. If you can find a common interest you share, mention it and expand a little on your own experience. No multiple paragraph messages please, but no one-liners either. I’m a sucker for a little humour and quirkiness. Online dating should be fun and adventurous.
This means no clichéd pick-up lines or long-winded poems. I can’t believe guys think these will work, but I still get them and send them straight to the trash bin. Older women want a guy who sounds real and confident enough not to resort to cheesy refrains.
Park the Ego
You don’t need to impress a woman in your first message. There will be plenty of time for that later. You merely want to grab her attention and have her wondering more about you, which will get her checking out your profile.
This is even possible for shy people. Online dating helps get the ball rolling without the nervousness of face-to-face interactions. And if things don’t pan out, you are able to retreat just as easily.
Follow her Lead
If she does respond to your message, follow her lead. If she asks you questions, answer, and ask her a couple more. She may want to get to know you better before meeting. Don’t be pushy because older women do know what they want and when they want it.
Do not become discouraged when a woman you’ve been dying to message and hopefully meet doesn’t respond – this is par for the online course. Drop a few more lines and see what bites.
Hope this advice helps you with that all important first message. Any tips you can share?