Dating Older Women: Preference or Fetish?

With all the striking differences and tastes people have, and all that has come from the depths of our closets, we still have deep-seated opinions as to what’s considered natural/normal, preference, or fetish in terms of sexual activity and partners.

“Natural” or “normal” is the utmost acceptable. Nothing is out of the ordinary or questionable. If you have a “preference”, people usually consider your sexual desires to lay outside the norm and maybe a little taboo. You may get a few comments made behind your back here and there, but you and your mate are still invited to family functions. If someone’s desires are listed under the “fetish” category, it’s beyond taboo. Fetish is uncouth. I fell into a conversation the other day that described cougar and cub relationships as just that.

I was at a dinner party with a bunch of very attractive young men. I could overhear them while I was in the bathroom freshening up. The discussion of hot women came up, along with the topic of cougars. When I came back into the room, their topic hadn’t subsided but did take a turn. The boys’ excitement for older women was evident. I keenly listened. They discussed what they thought were the finite measures and definitions of what a cougar is, what the acceptable age gap between CnCs is, along with age limits for cougars.

“50,” one guy said, “50 is the maximum age. 55 at the absolute most.”

I don’t recall if the other men had any rebuttal other than just musing over the images of hot women toiling in their minds. (However, I do think one said 60 years was an acceptable cougar age limit.) I soon realized they were young, inexperienced, and really?, a bit ageist. Their thoughts for what is natural was being crowded by what they considered tolerable. And, therefore, moving into the preference state of acceptable desire… “It’s okay if you like that stuff, but I’m not into it.”

I sincerely shared that 60 is still young for a cougar, that my 65-year-old cousin is an absolutely gorgeous successful businesswoman who travels half the year in far away continents and dates men in their 30s. The man with the youngest acceptable age for a cougar sat there dumbfounded. He tried to fight me on it. I patiently waited for the moment to say with confidence and ease: “I write for a cougar blog.” (As soon as I said it, the cutest boy at the table winked at me. Not relevant, but kind of interesting.) I switched my view back to the critic. I told him I’d read about an 84-year-old woman who dates 35-year-old men. “That’s just a fetish,” he replied with disgust.

Here I am left with a huge statement that spans across many dating possibilities that reflect on so many desires… if a white man only dates Asian women, why is that a fetish and not a preference? If a white man dates only white women, why is that normal and not a fetish? What are the actual rules and boundaries we have and contain within ourselves that dictate what we not only want for ourselves, but how we judge and view others?

What is the oldest age a Cougar can be before she’s too old to date? What is the largest age gap between a cougar and cub before you consider it a fetish? What are your definitions for fetish, preference, and normal?

Read: Why You Should Date Older Women

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