Making Resolutions to Please a Partner

Here’s something about cougars that can irk me: their bossiness. Very different from confidence. It comes with a big pointy finger that can damn-near poke your eye out.

I’m currently dating an older woman who insists I make resolutions for 2015, that doing so is more than a small step towards self-improvement (she, herself, is extremely successful, and it’s hard to argue the point while my resumé and bank account remain measly.)

By “bossy” and “insist”, here’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout:

She sat me down, presented me with pen and paper, did so within my own apartment in order to look around for tell-tale inspiration, and said, “Here’s what you’re going to change in 2015.”

What to Expect when Dating a Cougar

I remind you not a resolution on this list was generated of my own volition:

  1. “Get rid of those cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. And keep them off with a broom. Once a week. It won’t kill you.”
  2. “Do your laundry before it piles above the top of the basket. I hate sleeping here when your bedroom smells like dirty socks.”
  3. “I love the six-pack on your abs. I don’t like the empty six-packs on the kitchen floor.”
  4. “For the odd time we have to resort to your place, it’d be nice not to go home in the morning with a skirt covered in cat hair.”

I get the cobweb thing; that is pretty gross, and embarrassing, come to think of it. I’ll give it a try. I don’t know about the rest, though. None of them seem… important to me. But there didn’t seem to be any negotiation. The list — in my own handwriting — is now pasted to my fridge door. I’ve come to avoid all friends’ raised eyebrows and “Are you serious…?” queries.

PLEASE don’t get me wrong: this woman is awesome, and I’m crazy about her. But if habits of mine can drive her crazy, then I’m certainly entitled to be driven crazy by her habit of being bossy, no?

I promise you’d like her if you met her. And if by February 2015 I haven’t dumped her for nagging me about not meeting my targets, I promise to introduce you…

Happy New Year!

Meet your cougar match today at!


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