When I crowned myself a cougar, or realized I preferred dating younger men, I didn’t think about how young a man could be who I wouldn’t go after. Some older women, and especially those who shy away from the term cougar, have limits. They may say twenty is too young or that a man can be no more than ten years younger. I’m open to any age, but this can change with the type of relationship I’m looking for. Let me explain how categories of relationships determine my age preferences.
With casual sex I have no age limits beyond a man being legal of course, and to be honest, I don’t come across many teenagers who want to sleep with a woman in her early forties. Although there was that eighteen-year-old virgin romp when I was thirty-four. A nice surprise but a rare one for sure. If it’s just sex I’m interested in then the maturity level and intelligence factor isn’t as important. Satisfying my animal urges is what matters most.
Friend with Benefits
This is where things begin to change. If I meet a younger man with no other intention than a one night stand, great, but occasionally the sex is too good to leave behind for someone else to enjoy. I also may not be in a place where a committed relationship fits. Therein lies the hope of becoming friends with benefits. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but if does, for me, there has to be some kind of connection other than sex – someone I can talk to, laugh with, depend upon on occasion. This is definitely a tricky type of relationship, and it takes maturity to define and communicate one’s feelings along the way to prevent it from going south (the twenty-somethings often end up falling in love.)
When I’m looking for a committed relationship, I still go for the cubs, but he’s usually someone in his thirties. Why? Because I need a partner who knows who he is, what he wants, and where he’s going. That’s just me. I don’t mind buying drinks for a hookup or teaching a friend with benefits a few tricks between the sheets, but for something more serious, I want a little equality – someone who will treat me and who knows how to pleasure me while still having the stamina and energy needed to keep up with me. And as much as I love sex, when a relationship is more, I want an intellectual equal to stimulate me along the way. The men who meet these requirements are often in their thirties.
Cubs: How old is too old for the cougars you desire? And what affects this?