Q: Dear Ava. My last girlfriend totally messed me up. Okay, first of all, I’ll admit and say that I cheated on her. My bad! And not that you’ll think this is an excuse, but we hadn’t had sex in almost eight months (I have the exact number of days memorized, if you want). So, ya, I hooked up while she was out of town, somebody found out and told her when she came back… cue: packing my bags. The only good thing about the breakup was that it was a clean break. She probably hates me, and I feel like an asshole, but it’s what she said during our last fight (the cheating one) that has me upset. She told me I had a small penis and that part of the reason she didn’t want sex is that she couldn’t feel it inside her. I’ve always known I wasn’t quite average, but no girl has ever said this and now it’s stuck in my mind. I was with a girl last week and couldn’t come to save my life, hearing my ex’s voice in my mind. Arghhhh! How do I get past this? And, do you think an older woman would say such a thing? -Todd
A: Dear Todd. Shame on you for cheating, but I can understand the sexual frustration you must have felt. It’s never good when a woman finds out her man has stepped out, especially from someone other than him; it’s the worse kind of second-hand news. Be grateful she just called you small and didn’t cut it off in the middle of the night.
There are two possible reasons your ex said what she said: 1) she has never cared that you were smaller than average; she was just trying to lash out and hurt you the way you hurt her, or… see 1. Do women notice the size of a man’s penis? Sure, but it hardly matters to us the same way it does to men. It always boggles my mind that so many men ask in the bedroom: “Do you think I’m average, bigger than, smaller than?” For one, it ruins the mood; and two, it displays a man’s insecurities which is very off-putting. And believe me, there is such a thing as too big.
Women stop having sex with their partner when there’s other problems in the relationship; her holding out almost never has anything to do with the sex itself. And yes, we know it can piss a man off, but we never expect him to go out and cheat. Remember, no girl has ever brought up your size as inadequate… and neither should you. Besides, there’s so much more one can do to please a woman than “stick it inside her.” Get over it… and your ex. I recommend some fun-filled hookups to get your sexual mojo back; it always works for me. I can’t speak for all cougars, but I would never tell a man I though his penis was too small, never! Not cool.
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava