Q: Dear Ava. This lady has been going through menopause, and I feel she does not want to have sex. We have sex maybe once a month, and she says she is dry and it hurts when I go in. What can be done with her libido and the pain? – Roger
A: Hi Roger. Great to hear from a man who is concerned with helping his partner through this natural stage in every woman’s life. You don’t mention your lady’s age, but women can begin experiencing menopausal symptoms in their early forties. Younger men who love dating older women should be aware of what changes a woman experiences.
A lowered sex drive and pain during intercourse are possible symptoms. Your lady’s libido is connected to the pain she feels when you go in. Who wants sex if it hurts? She may be experiencing vaginal dryness which can simply be solved with a good lubricant.
Other symptoms of menopause that might be affecting her sex drive are mood swings, insomnia, and hot flashes. Educate yourself as much as possible, support her by listening, ask what you can do to help, and above all – be patient. Stay intimate without intercourse through massage, kissing, and cuddling. She needs to know you’re on her side.
Lastly, if things don’t improve and you feel you’ve tried everything, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help. This may be a doctor, a couples counsellor, or a sex therapist. Thanks, Roger for bringing this important issue to Cougar World. Here are a couple of links with more detailed information:
Don’t be shy. If you have a question about older women, dating, or sex – WRITE HERE. I’ll try to answer you in my next Ask Ava post.