Q: Dear Ava. I’ve been with a woman for almost a year. She’s eight years older. She’s got a big career and a daughter she has part custody of, so we usually only see each other once or twice a week at most. And we usually have sex when we see each other, but not in the last month so much. I’ve wanted too, but she said she was tired or didn’t want our relationship to revolve around sex. I didn’t think it did! In fact, I’ve always wanted to see her more, but now wonder if that’s ever going to happen. The sex is good, but it could be better. Her only lover before me was her ex-husband. I don’t know what to do. Should I move on. -Kent
A: Hi Kent. Slow down partner. It sounds like you might be overthinking everything. It sounds like her career and child are her priorities and she sees you when she can. If you haven’t discussed your hopes for the relationship, it’s time you did. And if you haven’t met her daughter, that may be a sign that she isn’t as serious as you about things. Be patient… women with children are cautious.
You need to ask yourself some questions. What do you want? Does your relationship revolve around sex? Are you doing everything you can to have a fulfilling sex life? It’s natural for sex to peter out a little once the “honeymoon phase” is over, not always but usually. Keeping your sex life spicy takes work, on both sides. Be creative. If she’s only been with one lover, maybe she hasn’t experimented with things that can really rev up what happens in the bedroom… things like bondage, role playing, or sensory play.
So, Kent. First things first. Decide what you want. Tell her, and if she’s on the same page… keep it going. But remember, you want your needs met in a relationship. There’s no point being with someone who isn’t who you want them to be. And as far as the sex goes, communication and experimentation are highly recommended.
Let us know how things turn out!
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava