Ask Ava: Find a Cougar For the Long Term

Q: I’m a cub who needs coaching. I’ve always had a thing for older women. I dated girls my own age (28) for years, and I almost married one I met in college. After a ton of one night stands I realize that maybe my ideal woman for a serious commitment is much older than myself. I met a cougar online a couple of months ago and the chemistry was unbelievable when we finally met. We had a lot in common and I wanted more than sex. She didn’t, and she gave me the brush off. Do most women who seek out younger men only do so for sex. Am I wasting my time, or are there cougars out there looking for something more than  a one time thing?
-Jeremy (Bowling Green, Ohio)

A: Hi Jeremy. Great to hear there are young men out there looking for more than just sex. We’re no different from the younger woman, in that some of us just want to get laid and some of want to settle down with a younger man. I have no designs on spending the rest of my life with a cub, but never say never. Maybe I just haven’t met a boy with the right qualifications. I do, however, have plenty of cougar pals who are looking for just that, so we are not an extinct breed. I always joke: cut to the chase when hunting. If you online date, I hope it’s on sites like or This helps narrow the field. Also, be very specific in your profile about what you’re looking for. It sounds like you’re not opposed to having a fling, so don’t give that fun up completely, some cougars just need a little coaxing into a long-term relationship. If you do want to captivate an older woman for longer than one night you’d better have a few things in order – your own place, a steady job, goals for the future, and skills in the bedroom definitely help, although most of us enjoy a little training. Most importantly, don’t give up: finding long lasting love takes patience.

Please send me your cougar questions. I’ll try to answer one in every newsletter. xo Ava

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