Q: Dear Ava. I’ve met a woman ten years my senior and things are going well… at least the sex anyway. Everything I read about hooking up with an older woman is true. It’s refreshing to be with a woman who is so secure in her body and abilities in the bedroom. The only thing I find difficult is that we’re very much opposites – our personalities, our interests, our backgrounds. We met through friends and it was the sexual chemistry that first brought us together. I find because of the way we think and approach things, there is a lot of clashing and petty arguments… some of which end up in bed (which is great), but I’m not sure this relationship can be anything more because of how different we are. I guess opposites attracted but can they work long-term in any serious kind of relationship? – David
A: Hi David. Hooray for sex with cougars! Always good to hear this reinforcement from the “opposite” side! That security we older ladies feel is well earned and is what gives us the confidence to say and do what we want in the bedroom.
It’s hard to fight the hormones that instinctively draw us to the opposite sex. It sometimes feels out of one’s control – electrifying! Perhaps if you had seen her profile online, these outer differences would have kept you from reaching out to her.
Petty arguments are just that, insignificant, but can be a sign of bigger issues that aren’t being dealt with. At least you’re getting some good make-up sex out of it.
You haven’t really said whether it’s you, or her, or both of you who wants something more serious. Sometimes a healthy just-sex relationship is just what the doctor ordered and may have an expiration date. Enjoy that while you have it. And I believe while it is important to have somethings in common with a partner, having separate interests and activities is one key to a successful long-term relationship. Introducing a partner to new things (your passions) can also bring you closer.
If you spend more time butting heads than enjoying each other’s company, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth the effort. Love to hear how this turns out. All the best, David.
Need advice on dating, relationships, or sex? SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Cougar World newsletter. -xo Ava