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Ask Ava: Is She Dating Other Guys?

Q: Dear Ava. I’m in a new relationship with a hot older woman. Sarah is everything my last girlfriend wasn’t, in a good way. She’s intelligent (a teacher), she has her own place, and the sex is great. She told me she wasn’t looking for anything serious, and that was fine in the beginning, but now the idea of her with another man bugs me.

She never mentions other guys, but I have my suspicions. I don’t want to be the typical jealous boyfriend, but it’s starting to get to me. We see each other once a week. Is there a way I can find out if she’s dating without coming out and asking her.
-Ian in SoCal

 A: Hi Ian. I feel for you. It’s always easy to say you won’t get attached or don’t want to when starting a relationship that you plan to keep sexual, rather than romantic.

Sarah was clear with you by saying she didn’t want anything serious. It’s okay to feel jealous, it’s a natural emotion that comes up in all relationships. What’s important is how you act on the feeling. Does she think of you as her boyfriend, call you that in front of others?

You didn’t say how long you’ve been dating/meeting her, but you obviously feel a strong connection. I don’t condone any kind of snooping to find out if she’s with other men. Older women don’t have a problem discussing their feelings and expectations in relationships, so go ahead and ask her is she’s seeing other guys.

You may not like the answer, but you’ll be able to decide whether you can live with it, if she is, or you’ll have an opportunity to open up about your feelings and possibly redefine your relationship. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability – women appreciate this.

Best of luck, Ian. I hope things work out the way you want them to.

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